


Deceive yourself

by shinso



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Gen, Gore, Mental Health Issues, Other, Torture, Verbal Abuse, Violence, ajin au, basically the full program
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-30
Updated: 2018-06-30
Packaged: 2019-05-31 02:03:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15109526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinso/pseuds/shinso
Summary: People...she can hear people scream, can hear someone cry. She doesn't know what's going on. No...[...] Someone yells again."Ajin! It's an Ajin!"Oh. That explains everything.Her head is foggy. She's an Ajin.An Ajin.





	Deceive yourself

Yachi Hitoka is an anxious mess. She's scared of every possible way to die. From tick bites to burning alive in a building. Heck, she's even considered a meteor randomly landing on and crushing her or getting involved in a yakuza shooting -- she's a wreck and she knows so herself.

What scares her most are probably Ajin, though. She's always heard how they're immortal humans. Insane, immortal beings. Yes, those known are captured and kept from the public for safety... but you never know who's one. You can't tell who's an Ajin and who isn't. Not unless they die - or scream, their horrifying, paralyzing scream. Yachi is dead scared of them.

But moreso, what if she herself is an Ajin? The thought keeps her awake some nights. What would happen if she, herself, turned out to be an Ajin? Would she go insane? She'd probably turn herself in... she doesn't want to hurt humans... even if there's rumours of terrible experiments being performed on Ajins... she'd still go along with that. As long as she's restrained and can't hurt people...

Yeah, that's her answer. But it's still only a vague what-if. And while it occupies her mind from time to time, she's so scared of potential death, she'll probably live for a long time for being so cautious. She'll be okay. Just okay.   
I'll   
But fate isn't so nice. Especially to those, it _should_ be nice to. To someone like Yachi.

All it takes is one flower pot, a medium-sized cactus and Yachi in the wrong place at the wrong time. 

The place? On the streets. The time? About half an hour before school starts for her.

The flower pot hits her straight on her head. She feels it, she feels herself die. But afterlife doesn't come, no. All that comes is the pain - the pain that slowly subsides after hitting her so suddenly. People...she can hear people scream, can hear someone cry. She doesn't know what's going on. No...

Her eyes flutter open in confusion. Black dust... black dust comes out of her. Right outta her head. She feels confused, disorientated. What just happened? Why's there are cactus in front of her face? Why's she on the ground?

Right. Didn't she just die?

Someone yells again.

"Ajin! It's an Ajin!"

Oh. That explains everything. 

Yachi slowly - her body feels heavy and sore - sits up. Her head is foggy. She's an Ajin. _An Ajin_. 

Why does she have to be an Ajin?

The police sirens blare in the distance. Yachi wishes she wouldn't, but she sheds tears. Parents drag their children away from her. Her friends are long gone. The sky is grey, just like before. The few people who dared stay around, look at her in fear and disgust. In anger. Hostility. 

The real place? The street that seems to now crumble underneath her. The time? Way too early. Definitely and certainly the wrong time.

Yachi is restrained, loaded into a truck and taken away. Just like she told herself, she doesn't resist. If she's a... an insane creature like that... this is the best thing to do.

It hurts.

\--

It hurts. It's dark. Cold. The sounds around her remind her of a dentist's. But they're louder. They promise more pain than the ones she's familiar with. She's restrained. To a table or something similar, at least. People are shuffling around, talking in hushed voices, only raising them when they announce something important.

"Three fingers. Right hand." one of the voices states loudly, after whispering to others.

Her fingers get cut off. She doesn't have the energy to scream any more. How long has she been here? Can she allow herself to think that anyone's missing her...? Probably not. Who'd miss an Ajin anyway?

"She's just a little girl. Barely a highschooler from the looks. I can't help feeling that this is wrong." someone says after they killed her - reset, it's called resetting - they sound nervous. Guilty.

Why do they feel guilty? She's a monster. They're doing the right things.

People out there are alive, they are save. Because she's in here, restrained. Because she can't hurt anyone like this. 

Yes, it's painful and she can't wait until she dies for real -- she's no longer scared. Not after all this -- but she's glad police got hold of her so soon.

This is but justice.

\--

Yachi can almost figure out how to count the days now. The... researchers come, stay for a while, then leave. When they leave, it must be night. They must come around noon, she figures. Sometimes they bring new things to kill her with. Gases. Weapons. Tools. 

Why they do that? She doesn't think about it. She's overheard someone talk about how this is a true success one time. So, maybe her dying is beneficial? That's great-- she can still be of some use, even though she's a monster who'll never die. 

It still hurts. She still deserves this for being wrong.

"You shouldn't exist." someone told her after she got captured. She agrees. She shouldn't exist. But she also can't die. Cursed. Someone cursed her at birth. Maybe in next life, she'll be born for greater good... 

Hopefully.

She ponders about this at night. In the cramped case they put her in every day. At night, she supposes. It's stuffy in there, but she kind of enjoys it. It's her alone time. Everything's quiet and calm; a complete opposite of her daily procedures. 

Well, it _usually_ is the opposite. Today-- no, tonight-- her case rattles. Someone's there, and going by Yachi's inner clock, it's not one of the researchers. Heck, she's not even fallen asleep yet and there's already someone coming to get her out? 

Oh well then, it's not like she needs to sleep. If she dies of sleep deprivation -- it's happened before -- she'll just come back. 

Her case rattles again, though. Again and again. She wonders what's wrong. The scientists usually get her out swiftly with a key. 

Wait... if this isn't a scientist... who else would get her out? No one should be here, no one that isn't involved in researching her. No outsiders. So why does this person, unlike all others, _not_ have her key?

She's scared for the first time in like a month. That's probably how long she's been here. Is anyone... trying to steal her?

But who would? And how would they get in here? And why? 

No one actually knows where this is and that there's Ajins in here... she's gathered as much from the researchers' conversation. 

The case rattles again. Yachi shivers. No way, she doesn't want to be stolen!

She can't put up much of a fight, but she'll try. She won't leave here; she'll resist. No matter what, she's not going anywhere. She's staying so she can help humans. So she won't harm anyone. That's the only thing for her to do.

So why does her metal case open with a screech? Why's there a boy looking down at her? How did someone her age get in here? It's not a place that's publically visitable. 

What-- how...

"You're subject zero zero three." the boy breathes, leaning over her. How did he get this information? Who is he?

"Leave." she croaks and tries to get back into her crammed space. No matter who or what he is she'll get back in there and get her sleep. "Go away!"

"Hey, don't worry." They say, still as quiet. "I'm getting you out of here."

Get her out? Why? Why would they do this to humanity. 

"No." she states. "I'm staying."

"Why?" he asks, genuinely confused. 

"I'm an Ajin. I'm not supposed to be out there." she firmly explains. "I'm a monster. Get out of here before I do anything to you."

"Oh." he says, as if finally getting the idea. He chuckles. Why is he? "You can do anything to me. Look."

Yachi looks up; she's become very docile. She does what she's told. And there's. There's black dust -- the Ajin essence, like she calls it. A lot of dust, formed into a humanoid shape. The dust... it's not hers...

It's his?

"Really whatever you do I'll just get back up!" he grins. "I can promise you that."

An Ajin. Another Ajin. He wants to escape. Why?

That makes no sense. Whatsoever. They're not supposed to -- no... they have to stay here. They can't leave! What if they hurt innocent humans? 

"We have to stay." she scrambles up to grip his arm. As tightly as she can. "You're insane! What if we hurt innocent humans? They're only safe because we're in here!"

"You're an Ajin all life long. Not just after you die. So. Tell me." he says, voice now completely serious. "Have you ever hurt people in your life?"

Yachi halts. Back in normal life... she was scared of dying, yes, but she was also scared of other things. Things like hurting people. Like accidentally doing or saying the wrong things. 

Of course she'd never hurt anyone on purpose back then... but now...

"Ajins aren't monsters." the boy says and puts a hand atop of hers. "You aren't a monster."

Yachi retracts her hand, removing the bandages over her eyes slowly. She hasn't seen more than a slit of her surroundings since she's come here. Just whatever was in front of the gap between bandages. 

It's dark, thank god. She doesn't think she'll be able to handle bright lights for a while...

Despite rethinking her point of view, she's still confused. She still thinks that maybe she should stay here. Her eyes fall on the teen -- they're smiling. All freckles and innocent eyes. 

For someone like that to be an Ajin. Is this real?

"I brought some clean clothes." They say, holding out a bag to her. "It's not... much but once we're out I'll get you new ones."

Outside... under the sun... somewhere with fresh air and...

"Thanks." Yachi says, taking the bag. Her head is filled with wild thoughts. Can she really... will she really not hurt anyone? 

"I'll leave you to it." the teen says and heads to the door. "Just come join me when you're done."

Yachi nods. They get out, swiftly and quietly like a breeze. 

She pulls off the bandages, tosses them on the ground and pulls on the clothes from the bag. A button down, white pants... she must look like one of the researchers. It's a bit big on her but it feels way nice to actually wear clothes for once. 

Yachi almost feels human. 

She gets out the metal case, looks around the room. It's awkward. This has been her home for a while now... or something like that anyway?

Can she really leave it? She runs a hand through her hair. It's short -- they cut most of it off to make procedures easier...

She's glad there's no mirror. She doesn't want to see. Not yet and not for a while. 

Yachi is about to toss the bag when she notices the weight of something left in it. She checks.

Oh. Her phone. A little damaged but seems intact -- out of battery though. Obviously. 

She pockets it, finally tossing the bag and swiftly striding out of the room. It may be irrational of her to take this step but...

If she ever has the urge to hurt another human, she can just turn herself in. If this doesn't work, she'll be captured. 

She grabs the door handle and pushes it down. Her fellow Ajin is waiting patiently, looking this way and that to make sure everything is okay. To make sure no one's coming. 

Right. If they leave, they'll be pursued and looked for... because Ajin aren't meant, not officially, to be free. To be out there and amongst humans.

"What are we going to do from now on?" Yachi asks. She watches as the teen in front of her jumps. What's their name anyway? 

"We're going to track down Kei." They say with a confident smile. "He's been off radar for forever and if anyone can help us it's him."

"Tsukishima Kei." She mutters. He's a famous Ajin for he's slipped through police's fingers for years. That's a good plan. But how will they find him if police can't? 

"Let's go." They say and look ahead. Yachi nods and, to aid her mental stability takes their hand. They squeeze her hand. She feels more confident. 

"What's your name?" She asks after they pass by one of the labs. It's empty now... but the surgery table in the center remains. She's been there. Dying a thousand or so times. 

Is this really right?

"I'm Yamaguchi Tadashi." They say. "I'm not a boy."

"I'm not a boy either." She mumbles. "But resetting..."

"It's okay. We don't have to die from now on." They promise. "We'll get hormones again."

Yachi smiles. It feels weird. Smiling. She hasn't done it in weeks. 

It's a good feeling. 

"It's gonna be okay." They say. She can't help believing them.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry for the rushed ending! this is a fill for sportsfest '18!


End file.
